Upset

I really can tell that I gained some fat. Not only the scale. I'm not imagining, but I really can see it layering over my stomach and my legs. Oh Gawd. Why did I not eat healthily the past two weeks. Why. Why is it harder to resist food then before. I cannot let this happen. I can't let this continue. It's too upsetting.
I was almost seeing my abs. I was closing to a thigh gap. And now, it's all gone. I really have to start from the beginning again.

I have to lose some weight by the end of this week. I have to see a jumping progress. I have to.

I feel good

I actually think I see a little more thin layer of fat that start to lay over my stomach again. Feeling a little terrified, I decided to run. And I thank God I did. I feel good. Like FINALLY.
Yesterday I did some resistance training. Today HIIT. I hope I can do more Cardio tonight though.
Can't wait to get back on track!
But the only problem now, is me controlling my diet. I find it REALLY HARD, to stop taking stuff like bread, and obviously, fattening food. I don't know if I can blame it on my period?

I must learn to slowly cut back down again. It's going to be difficult. But well, nobody said it was easy to start with.

Searching so hard to find ways, to resist temptation. How. How. Help.

Confession:
Sometimes, I'm just saying sometimes, when I consume something bad for my body, I, puke it out. I don't stick my hand in my mouth or PURGE or anything, I swear. But its like, it comes out by itself? Maybe I just keep thinking about it, and it comes out naturally. I refuse to believe it's bulimia. Is it?
Maybe sometimes is a understatement. I'm ashamed.

I am back

I had been so so busy, for school, that I didn't sleep for 3 days in a row, until yesterday. With all that said. I didn't have time to work out. That would be about a week or more of no exercise. ( And I really ate a lot )Feels kinda sucky. I've never not worked out for that long, every since Last year November. It'd be especially hard to get back on track. I remember the last time I stopped exercising, it took me 4 months to start exercising again. I CAN'T LET THAT HAPPEN AGAIN. But I'm more determined than ever. Next 3 months, I'm gonna gruel myself.

I need to learn self discipline
I need to persevere.
I can do this.
I can.