Blog started since 16 March 2011
HW: 137lbs | LW: 114lbs | CW(Jan 29 2014): 120lbs | GW1: 110lbs | GW2: 99lbs
Height: 5' 4"
Age: 21 going on 22

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Hello, is everyone out there happy? I'm not :(

I have been so busy with school. Life has really just been whole mess. I've been a mess. Everyday is a battle with myself just to step out the house. I swear to my face every time i have a glance of myself in a reflection. I can't take looking like this anymore. And yet I've not been doing anything but complaining. What's wrong with me? What's going on?

It's time to set everything right.

In details, I have been treating myself wrongly. Because of all the stress I'm feeling, I give in to everything I want, and even if i don't want it. Chocolates, chocolates, bread, cakes, muffin, pies, every bad food you can imagine. Someone that says he loves me, yet unknown if he meant it as a friend or romantically has been telling me I'm not fat and that I'm beautiful the way I am. I love him. And i trust him, but I can't exactly trust his words. He buys me food and treats me well, how am i suppose to say no to those things, even if it means getting fatter? I can talk to him for hours. Even through the whole night. And that makes me not workout as well. It's been going on for months. I have not told a single friend about this, about me and him. Why? It's complicated. I wish I have someone to share my thoughts with. I wish I could feel beautiful. I wish I could be me.


  1. Oh wow, your post surprised's as though you placed my exact feelings into words. I too feel that something is wrong with me. Having kept a strict diet in the past, I totally let go of myself these two months. What's wrong with me? Even when I'm not feeling hungry, I kept eating chocolate, ice cream, baked goods...My stomach ballooned and I think I gained at least 8 pounds of fat. Anyways, I'm going to start a 21 days water fast tomorrow. Maybe it's just what I need to kick-start me again

    1. How's your water fast going? I hope it's going good :)